If I presented you with a button that, if pressed, would make you blissfully happy for the rest of your life, would you press it?
On first thought, this deserves an obvious yes. Happy for the rest of my life? No need for therapy, reflection, or pain? Sign me up!
The next question we need to ask while looking at the button – what does pain do for us? Pain can do a few things, some positive and some negative. On the negative side, intense pain can send us running and hiding, looking for whatever tools we have to escape feeling it. Facebook, television, or just numbly staring at the ceiling, life gives us several options to escape.
Pain can also push us to change things. Without it, why would we disrupt our normal patterns or try new things? I’m already happy, so why do things differently? In other words, pain gives us opportunities to grow.
While growth itself is painful, it also gives us new options in life. In therapy, we constantly push for growth, both for you and your partner. As the two of you try new things in couples therapy and at home, you learn new ways to express yourself and new ways of working together.
You can do this at home without a therapist. You and your partner can challenge each other to grow, offering space for mistakes and correction as you work together to be better people. Unfortunately, one of the most painful things many of us experience emotionally is shame. Judgement from those we care about hurts in a unique way, sending many of us running and hiding from the pain.
In family therapy, then, your therapist works to help you both express yourselves in honest ways while also maintaining a judgement free space. Whether in person or online, this space makes growth much less painful, helping you and your partner move toward a happier, healthier relationship.
If I presented you with a button that, if pressed, would make you blissfully happy for the rest of your life, would you press it?
If your pain is too much to face in any situation or form, I understand saying yes. However, if you can handle some form of your pain in the right place, with the right support, not pressing the button gives you countless opportunities to be a better version of yourself with a better, healthier relationship.
If you feel ready to face your pain, I feel ready to help you find hope.