Why do we all feel so lonely? Usual medicine says you are fully responsible for your own mental health. In a way, that makes sense – you are the one most affected by your brain, after all. When so many people within our culture feel a certain way, however, top marriage counselors take a more systemic focus. We look at large issues that affect many people and our ability to feel connected with one another.
We all experience pain in our lives. In a perfect world, we can be open with one another about this pain and work together to help one another through it. We can share in our experiences and advice along the way. This can lead to powerful relationships where partners feel connected to one another and increasingly safe sharing in their struggles and hopes. In our current world, however, particularly during COVID-19, we feel isolated from one another. Social media overwhelmingly leads to members feeling worse after viewing it and, right now, that’s most of what we get for trying to “connect” with friends and family.
Add to that our current political climate. The media in general survives by getting views; hatred and polarization generate views. As a result, many people who try to stay informed feel generally scared of the world and scared of their fellow citizens, thinking many people hold crazy and outlandish viewpoints. It only makes sense to start feeling fearful and spiteful in this world. Social media allows us to tailor our own corner of the news, thus leading to an even more isolated corner.
Yet it’s hard to stop. Your brain gets bored if everything tries to be interesting or make you feel good, so the algorithms on every site literally make some of the posts more appealing than others so you keep scrolling. You wait for something interesting, your brain on the edge of anticipation. We then get stuck, losing an hour to the mindless scroll down our Facebook, Reddit, or Twitter feed.
We may find ourselves scrolling social media even with other people nearby. Many times, partners will set up Netflix together and each scroll on their phones, only partially watching the show. On the surface, this seems like quality time together, with both people engaging in the same activity. In reality, however, each of you is in your own world with your own tailored bubble, missing each other. No matter how close you try to get physically, then, you still feel alone and trapped in a bubble.
Marriage counseling teaches you to spend this time together more intentionally. We recognize that pain is hard to face, as is asking for help. Social media is a constant temptation to avoid our pain, offering an easy out. Often in marriage counseling, our first step consists of helping you and your partner just exist in the same world. While in this world, you share in each others’ feelings and start to explore your dreams and hopes together. This leads to feeling safe enough to discuss your fears and failures, creating a powerful relationship.
With my help, you and your partner can confront your pains together, joining as a team to face life as it truly is, not just as the media wants you to experience it. You and your partner can feel close to each other after a night of cuddling. A show becomes a fun topic to discuss, not a distraction that leaves you both feeling you wasted the night. Bedtime can feel like the culmination of bonding together, where you and your partner can snuggle up and feel appreciated.
You don’t have to feel so alone.